Why?
1. Because my children are OBSESSED with two things ... stories about being 5 and getting badly injured and stories about how Jesus has taught us to love one another.
2. Because my husband has been gone for weeks and Jermaine is looking sexier than ever.
3. Because I think the only way to truly prepare for Valentine's Day is with seven days of Flight of the Concords.
4. and now for something completely different .... I give you Jeffery Q. Esquire the Third and his poem of wedding bliss read at the wedding luncheon of Katie and Sam. (I think Jeff would like Albi the Racist Dragon. I know Albi would like Jeff's po-em.)
Guns: Guns are the Answer
A Wedding Poem for Katie and Sam
Katie and Sam are now married, it seems
He had just the right stuff to romance her,
And so for their home I have written a poem
I call, “Guns: Guns are the answer.”
I don’t know all that much about Sam Henderson,
But he seems like a nice-enough fella,
I don’t know what to give them, but lucky for me
They are registered down at Cabela’s.
Shooting’s ideal for a fun thing to do
When you take a girl out for a date,
Why, I myself fell deep in love with my wife
For her prowess with my .38.
To Sam, Rigoletto and Der Fledermaus
Are the loveliest sounds we can hear,
But the bolt slamming sure on an Enfield Mark IV
Is a lovelier sound to my ear.
Katie’s a musical genius, it’s true,
You can hear angels sing when she plays,
But though music’s best to soothe savages’ breasts,
With a gun you can blow them away.
God made all men; Samuel Colt made them equal,
Society’s much more polite,
For peace flows much freer , see, when it is clear
That you’re risking your life if you fight.
A submachine gun makes a great wedding gift
To present to a daughter or son,
For although you may fight
You remain quite polite
When your sure that your wife has a gun.
And after a few years of marital bliss
There’ll be moments it seems to go South,
So Katie, retreat, when your man’s packing heat,
Be reluctant to shoot off your mouth.
And if, in the first years of marriage, you find
That your household has run short of funds,
Remember there’s always more cash to be had
If you have a ski mask and a gun!
12/27/07
3 comments:
Double meaning here: "Why, I myself fell deep in love with my wife/For her prowess with my .38."
Cindy - Maybe you need a .38? Might not play the same in London. (Incidentally, Jeff's wife is Brendan B's cousin.)
Boy, this post touched me deeply in so many ways.
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